


wanted you to be the last thing on my mind

by chopinseimei



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, very short again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 14:39:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14620806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chopinseimei/pseuds/chopinseimei
Summary: Anyone who is so stupid to fall in love with someone that doesn’t love them is hopeless and a moron.Maybe hopeless was right. Because Yuzuru sits here, staring blankly at the ceiling of his hotel room, and wonders how he could be so stupid himself, to let himself fall in love.





	wanted you to be the last thing on my mind

Loving someone who doesn’t love you back.

Yuzuru had thought, years ago, how that could possibly happen, because that’s just how love works, isn’t it. Two people meet and instantly, something sparks and flickers and becomes something more, and maybe it burns out eventually, and maybe it goes on and on for years, and there always has to be something there in the first place. Anyone who is so stupid to fall in love with someone that doesn’t love them is hopeless and a moron.

But maybe hopeless was right. Because Yuzuru sits here, staring blankly at the ceiling of his hotel room, and wonders how he could be so stupid himself, to let himself fall in love.

When he’d properly met Shoma for the first time, something in him had flickered, something confusing and sickening fluttering in his stomach at the younger skater’s soft smile, his shy little laugh when Yuzuru had congratulated him.

When Shoma had turned away to talk with his coach, Yuzuru swears he could've felt his heart breaking already. Because he'd known even back then, that as soon as he let himself get lost in those eyes, as soon as he found himself drawn to the idea of how Shoma’s lips would feel on his, that this would end in disaster.

And he’d tried, so so hard, to get it to stop. But it’s never that easy, never as simple as throwing it to the flames and leaving it to burn to ash, because maybe that had just provoked it more. Like skating on an unhealed injury, still a searing pain that weighs down every step. One too many.

And when Shoma looks at him he feels like he’s drowning, suddenly unable to breathe at all because those eyes, even for the briefest of moments, feel like they can see all that he’s been thinking, all the unfinished fantasies of warm sheets and soft hands and light kisses, and he feels all too vulnerable and-

And Yuzuru looks away, turns his back. If he lets himself see Shoma’s slightly disappointed look, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

For as long as he manages to keep this up- pretending none of this matters, that the sinking feeling in his stomach has never hurt- he knows the distance between him and Shoma will only increase. But keeping him at a distance is best for both of them; Shoma doesn’t get hurt, Yuzuru doesn’t do something he’ll regret. Even if they both hurt, even if Yuzuru has to keep reminding himself not to miss him because it’s better this way. It’s  _ better this way. _

But even so, when Shoma’s back is turned Yuzuru can’t help but glance, try and get a glimpse at what he’s missing. Hears the laugh that he could only dream of, light and happy, and how cheerful he seems talking to the others, how content he looks as he walks away after.

And he doesn’t need Yuzuru for that.

In a sick way, it’s some sort of comfort, because at least he doesn’t have to ask to know it was hopeless anyway.


End file.
